Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Wack Vegas: The Venetian and Nazi Sex Freaks

 

Most casinos on the Las Vegas Strip are owned

and operated by either MGM or Caesars Entertainment, 

but The Venetian is run by Nazi sex freaks.

As we watched a crying prostitute dragged from the casino floor in handcuffs, I started to think over how different things are at The Venetian from the rest of Vegas…

Police Dogs- In town for a bachelor party, the groom had gotten a good price on two suites at The Venetian. At check-in, I watched as a security officer walked a dog through the lobby. A frequent Vegas visitor, I’d never seen this at any other hotel, and made a mental note.

The second day I watched as another dog walked through the poker room, directly between tables packed with players. As I happened to standing with a poker room floor manager, I inquired as to the unusual sight. He explained because the property is a “soft target,” they have heightened security measures.

“Ah,” I responded, “for bombs, suspicious packages, and such?”

“Yes,” said my suited interlocutor, before adding, “and drugs.” I hope I kept my poker face as my mind screamed. In a town with a poker community perpetually wrapped in the aromas of sativas and indicas, this is purely menacing harassment. Hard pass.

Cannabis Prohibition- Marijuana has been legal in Nevada for years now. It’s nothing to see tourists, enjoying their vacation, smoking everywhere. However, one night as we returned to the property, straight from a local dispensary, several people had cannabis products they had just purchased. Only one carried the bright, baby blue branded bag, like a neon bomb in his hand. A security guard, watching us approach, came from behind his special podium in the main lobby and stopped my friend; he stated, while it may be legal in the state, marijuana was still illegal according to federal law, which the property chose to enforce. And he escorted this paying guest towards the door.

My buddy went outside, shocked, but without a word of protest. I waited in the lobby, thinking he would simply remove his purchase, conceal it in his pockets, and dispose of the noticeable bag. But the guard had the attitude of someone who would continue the harassment, and I wanted to see how this mini drama played out. To his credit, my friend, casually walked around the side of the building, until he saw an employee entrance, and walked in, James Bond style, completely unmolested. Cheers, homie.

Racial Profiling- Driving up to The Venetian, whether through front or rear entrances, visitors will notice a couple security officers, stationed by cones, monitoring each lane of traffic. On my first arrival, our Uber was a van, packed with five guys. The officer stepped in front of the van, stating the windows were “too dark,” and demanded the driver open the doors, so he could inspect inside. It was strange and aggressive, and I noted a slight distain in our driver’s attitude as he complied.  

I thought nothing of the imposition until, after coming and going for several days, it became the only time I saw such treatment. When I realized the correlation was the Middle Eastern appearance of our driver that night, his grumbling became clear: just your average, every day, racial profiling.

Bonus Weirdness- While not on the level of these previous transgressions, there were two other highly suspect characteristics of The Venetian.

First, neither suite we occupied, with six registered guests, contained any glasses or cups. I’ve never, in my entire life, stayed at a hotel, motel, or Holiday Inn that didn’t at least have cheap plastic cups. My room at The Bellagio, for example, provided SIX glasses, both tall and stemless options, for a single bed. No idea what’s behind that bizarre management policy.

Secondly, located atop the refrigerator, among the overpriced nuts and waters, was a pastel gray and pink soda can. It looked non-descript, like a fancy sparkling water that any curious child would grab upon instinct. However, upon inspecting the can, one finds a list of sex toys that might be found in a truck stop bathroom: condoms, lubricant, light-up vibrating cock ring, etc…you know, just a grab bag of goodies for your average orgy. In all my decades of visiting casinos and staying in hotels, I’d never seen anything like it anywhere, much less in a multi-billion dollar property like The Venetian. Again, wowzers…

To be sure, The Venetian is a fancy hotel, complete with gold-fringed marble columns, fountains, and fresco murals painted upon the ceilings. But, after spending loads of time under its roof, I would never voluntarily stay there, nor do I intend to return as a player. The specter of Trump mega-donor, Sheldon Adelson still haunts the management style of the casino, and it leaves a grimy flavor of gaudy authoritarianism upon your soul: place is wack Vegas.


Sunday, May 30, 2021

Parlay the Moneyline: The Tricks of My Longest Sports-Betting Win Streak

 


Two weeks, Eleven games, Twelve bets, Nine Hundred jellybeans

For boom or bust, sports-gambling has sunk its claws into the online marketplace. In Tennessee, you can bet virtually any game in the world, all while sucking down Jack Daniels in your favorite watering hole. This type of availability can be dangerous for some, but played correctly, it can offer a pathway to easy money. Online gambling aided my longest win streak of sports-betting.

The sport was NFL and NCAA football and the streak began in the luxurious confines of the Bellagio Sportsbook, where even there (perhaps especially there), beautiful women, in tight-fitting MGM gear, urge gamblers to “try the app.” They want their customers to gamble, and gamble everywhere. Who needs to walk twenty feet when you can fire up your phone and plunk down a cool grand on the World Cricket finals?

Now, I’m just a recreational dabbler in games of chance, and not a pro by any means, but these methods can be profitable in the world of sports-betting (especially the FREE MONEY part).

            1) Online sites offer great bonuses just for making the first deposit. And the better ones continue to entice the inveterate sports prognosticators with odds so good, it amounts to free money. Add free daily pools into the mix and it’s possible to build a little bankroll. I’m not much of a sports-bettor, leaning more towards card games like blackjack and poker, so it’s only natural I still prefer the brick-and-mortar sportsbooks, but free money is always nice.

            The first deposit bonus gave me great odds for Alabama in The National Championship game and another free NFL bet, each of which lowered my risk and increased my payout.

            2) Central to this small streak is the reliance upon the moneyline. Most gamblers stick to the fabricated measure of the “point spread,” but this imaginary number has no impact on the motivations of players and coaches; they just want to win. I prefer the moneyline for favorites and usually take the point spread for the underdogs, which just buys a few points in addition to this natural desire to win.

Six of the eleven winners I picked failed to cover the point spread: I would’ve lost nearly every bet if I took the spread.

            3) Gamblers will groan about the lower payout of the moneyline favorites, so I offset that with parlays. Sure, a small payout for one easy winner isn’t much, but stacking a few easy winners can often offer even money. Less exposure, less stress.

            Every team I picked was nearly a touchdown favorite, but three of five parlays paid even money or better.

Bets and Results


Sportsbook

Date

Game

Spread/Result

WageràProfit

Bellagio

1/3/21

JAC@IND+

-15.5/-14

 

 

 

BAL@CIN+

-13.5/-35

 

 

 

ATL@TB

-7/-17

100à70

Bellagio

1/3/21

IND/BAL/TB+

 

 

 

 

PIT@CLE+

-10/-2

 

 

 

TEN@HOU

-7/-3

50à60

Bellagio

1/3/21

IND+

 

 

 

 

WAS@PHI

-6.5/-6

100à50

Bellagio

1/9/21

TB@WAS+

-10/-8

 

 

1/10/21

CHI@NO+

-11/-12

 

 

1/11/21

OSU@ALA

-9.5/-28

300à300

DraftKings

1/11/21

ALA

 

1à100

DraftKings

1/11/21

ALA

 

99à27.72

FanDuel

1/11/21

ALA

 

5à125

FanDuel

1/11/21

OSU@ALA

U79.5/ 76 (LIVE)

50à47.17

DraftKings

1/16/21

LAR@GB+

-7/-14

 

 

1/17/21

CLE@KC

-8/-5

FREEà56

DraftKings

1/17/21

KC

 

127.72à26

FanDuel

1/17/21

KC

 

25à5.21

FanDuel

1/17/21

KC

 

147.17à30.03

 

 

 

 

1004.89à897.1

 I’m no professional sports gambler, and my luck comes and goes with the fleeting whims of Lady Chance. But I do enjoy a “taste” now and then, and this streak had some good sweats to it: the quick field goals battles (TEN@HOU), the bizarre coaching decisions (WAS@PHI), and miracle touchdown reversals (OSU@ALA).

After some close calls, the streak was died when Conor McGregor turned back into a pumpkin. And the bad luck followed when Kansas City fell apart in the Super Bowl and Ohio St kept up the losing streak, choking in the first round of March Madness.

Well, can’t win ‘em all.  

Friday, October 4, 2019

Dealer Errors: "Do the Right Thing"


Anyone who has played a decent amount of blackjack knows dealers make the occasional mistake. They are typically quite rare, but they happen more frequently than a lot of people suspect. Changing player cash, adding hand totals, blackjack payouts: there is a lot of math to keep track of, and dealers are as human as us all. 

In fact, on my recent trip to Vegas, dealers made errors in both of my first two blackjack sessions. An experienced dealer, distracted by conversation, paid my pushed 17 and the next day a dealer swept my bet into the rack on another push, only to get corrected by me. Investment in attention pays good dividends.

The worst, and rarest dealer mistake I’ve encountered occurred at Harrah’s in Murphy, North Carolina. It’s a decent sized casino, although a baby compared to the monolithic mega-casinos of Vegas. I had just picked a $25 table to begin another session, laying $200 on the felt in front of me. The dealer spread the five $20 and two $50 bills, and proceeded to stack THREE hundred in chips!

“Changing three hundred,” he called to the pit critters behind him. I had to casually double check the math in my head a couple of times, before concluding the $50 bills, as relatively uncommon, had thrown him off. As often happens, the pit boss was busy and didn’t visually verify the payout; this time the lapse in procedure cost them $100.

I retold the experience to a non-gambling friend of mine, and she asked me if I did “the right thing.” Although it was opposite her meaning, I assured her that I very much did “the right thing” and kept the money. 

I will not feel weepy for a casino that pays me too much money. Casinos are not philanthropic entities, insuring social well-being; they are predatory, and exist mostly to relieve suckers and addicts of their money. In fact, that mistake was virtually my only win for the evening. 

There were three other players at the table, and I’m not sure they noticed, but they certainly joined my silence. I’m pretty sure the couple beside me briefly discussed the event in Chinese, before leaving the table a short time afterwards. I played for about half hour myself, and then went for a late dinner.

“Aren’t you worried the dealer will get in trouble?” my friend continued. I reasoned that if the casino makes these kinds of mistakes in the front of the house, I can only imagine what kind of shenanigans operate away from the public eye. Ray Charles might be head of surveillance. 

At the end of the evening, I changed my chips at the cashier. The young guy briefly chatted as he counted my money. “Counting money all day is hard. Sometimes your brain sees different than your eyes,” he remarked. We chuckled as I folded the bills in my wallet. 

“Weird,” I responded with a smile, and left for my truck in the night air.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Ah, Las Vegas


 
My recent trip to Las Vegas was my sixth visit to the international gambling Mecca, but I hadn’t been in years. Here are some of the lesser known truths about Sin City that I had forgotten.

1)      Get ready to wait in lines. The airport taxi cab line is longer than the wait for Space Mountain. It may be the worst, but is by no means the last line to encounter for a weekend in Vegas. The buffet, the nightclub, and even the card room are often protected by monstrous, snaking queues that challenge your resolve to enter.

2)      Taxi cabs can be unpleasant. Up front, next to the driver in a full cab, I was bombarded with the aroma of a week-old, soiled, adult diaper. One member of our group climbed into a back seat and found his hand in a fresh puddle of love pudding. Always look before you sit! For a full night on the town, limos are worth it.

3)      You don’t actually need sleep. Coming from the east coast instantly throws your internal clock out of whack. No, the casinos don’t pump in pure oxygen, but the city runs on the swirling mess of adrenaline produced by lust and greed. It is very hard to get more than four hours of rest at a time. Meh. Sleep when you are dead.

4)      People get cranky when they lose. I should have remembered this one. While everyone smiles upon arrival, the faces are not nearly as cheery waiting at the terminal for departure. The city is built upon the graves of losers. Get a long last look; it may be awhile before you return.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Always Show Your Monsters


A few years back, I was playing poker at Caesars, Las Vegas for the first time. Their card room, a stylish forum meant to host big events, was still quite new. The action was pretty good, although nearly any place in Sin City can produce a respectable game these days. It is a clean, well-lighted place with high ceilings and a great poker atmosphere. There are tons of flat screen televisions lining the walls, which were not on the typical sports or news channels, but constantly cycling through various numbers that I barely noticed.

After a few orbits at a $1/3 NLH game, I was dealt pocket 7s and saw a flop bring…two more 7s. BINGO! When you have the deck completely crippled, like flopping quads, it is very hard to actually get paid. It is a long shot that any one else has anything decent and you are usually lucky to get a token bluffer making a tiny stab at the pot, which is all I earned in this instance. After my opponent folded, I exercised monk-like discipline and quietly slid my cards to the dealer, showing no one.

The following day I learned what a mistake it was to keep my hand a secret. It turns out that the number cycling televisions, that I paid little attention to, were advertising high-hand jackpots. Had I simply turned up my four sevens to show off my luck, I would have won over $300. When I watched an elderly player collect on a made straight flush, all I could think to myself was, “Ugghhh…”

This example doesn’t illustrate the real reason that you should showoff your monster hands. Showing monsters is good for the game. By “monsters,” I am referring to the ultra-rare hands, like quads and straight flushes, not full houses or below. Flashing a monster can help to alleviate some of the tedium of a long session at the table; it energizes the game a bit, particularly those players who are new to the game and play only for the entertainment factor. Furthermore, showing a giant hand like this builds a friendlier table. The friendlier the table, the easier it is to beat. If your opponents are distracted by socializing, they will not play at optimal levels. Seeing you flash your cards will subtly influence them to show theirs and earn you information in the future. Showing your monster also manipulates your table image. People will remember the beast you had in the pocket and give you a little more room to get creative.

Friday, September 24, 2010

A Winning Vegas Wedding


Before I had ever attended one, Vegas weddings triggered for me images of Elvis and Brittney Spears. However, after watching two friends get married in a nice little ceremony in the back of the MGM casino, I learned that even a Vegas wedding can be somewhat “traditional.” Afterward, we drank overpriced champagne before a lavish dinner at Craft Steakhouse. All in all, it was a thoroughly enjoyable time.

Because we played poker together regularly, a few of us, including the bride and groom, decided to try a tournament at Paris the following night. With five entrants, we excitedly discussed the strong chance of one of us cashing and we even pooled money for a first out booby prize. Busting first of our group was the highlight of an uneventful tournament for me, but two of us did make the final table, including the bride, who won the whole shebang! After she pocketed almost a cool thousand dollars, we strolled over to the Bellagio for celebratory drinks, railbirded a few well-known pros in their high-limit room, and then watched the famous fountain out front explode into the night sky.

Of course it takes a great deal of luck to win a poker tournament, but it wasn’t luck that propelled my friend to victory (she had used up all her luck finding a great husband). I know she won because she can play a mean game of cards, but I could never help but think there was something more to the victory. Looking at the happy couple posing with a mountain of chips and the winning hand, I get the sense that it was also the completely content state of mind found in a new bride. There is certainly a direct correlation between happiness and ability at the poker table. If you take a seat filled pessimism and distraction, you will usually lose, but if you are unencumbered with these emotional sandbags, then fortune will find you.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Kicked Out for Counting Cards



In the summer of 2004, I became infatuated with the game of blackjack. Although I had played the game a lot in the past, during drunken escapades in Atlantic City, I never took it seriously. I bought the book Blackjack for Blood and learned how to count cards. Hour after hour, day after day, I methodically trained myself to become a blackjack machine; my skill increased as I counted down hundreds of decks and played thousands of practice hands.

In that first year, I made three trips to A.C. and two to Las Vegas, playing a few hours at low table stakes. My records show that I had spread action in 13 different casinos, playing about 23 hours, with a net profit of $834.5 (a good run of slightly more than $36 per hour, but definitely no reason to quit my day job).

This is when the most interesting experience of my blackjack experiment occurred; a casino actually barred little ol’ me from play.

I had scouted out a good table in a tiny casino located at the heart of the Vegas strip called Barbary Coast. Sitting between the mammoth Caesars, Flamingo, Bally’s and Bellagio, this dinky little casino looks completely out of place; I have to believe it won’t be long before it is knocked down for another lavish coin fountain or some other pricey Vegas trinket (ok., so maybe I have a little grudge). It was 11 in the morning and I had been playing for an hour when I encountered a good deck, stacked a win on top of my bet for a max bet, and prepared for a nice little payday. At this moment, a pit boss stepped up, pushed my bet back, and said “No more blackjack for you.” As he walked off without further word, I feigned shock and looked at him, then the dealer, then the stunned old man playing to my left. What the hell? I was even down $85 for the session. I muttered that fact as I left, a little pissed, but also a little proud. The staff of a Vegas casino considered me too good to let play.

To this day, I have not figured out what gave me away. I didn’t feel any “heat.” The pit bosses didn’t even seem to be watching. Maybe the dealers spotted me…maybe my lips moved slightly as I followed the count…maybe it was too early in the morning for a player that seemed to magically pick good spots for big bets…who knows?

Thinking back over the memory, I have never been able to forget how unsurprised the man to my right was by the events. In all my years of gambling in casinos, I’ve seen a lot, but never anyone getting kicked out before, and this guy didn’t even blink. While the old man on my left sat agape, this bearded fellow placidly sat there and avoided eye contact with me. There is the strong chance that he was a shill, working for the casino, and tracking my play.

The end result of my barring was negligible; I was playing at another casino within ten minutes.

While any form of cheating in a Vegas casino is considered a felony, counting cards is not cheating. It is merely a method of using math and intelligence to gain an edge over a game and beat a casino, or, in other words, beat an industry that is so accustomed to beating everyone.

Personally, I consider counting cards to be very, very boring. My two year blackjack experiment was only relatively entertaining and the tiny stakes were only slightly profitable. By the end, I grew tired of thinking like a machine. As if my brain was ruled by binary coding, numbers dominated every conscious thought, even away from the table. Becoming a machine might be exciting for some people, but I cannot stomach the boredom.