Tuesday, November 8, 2016

This Bet Is Yuuuge

In a lifetime of gambling, I’ve bet on some pretty unusual and fairly important outcomes before: careers, relationships, pregnancy…long term wagers that affect lives. But I don’t suppose any speculation I’ve done to date can measure with this race for President of The United States, in the year of our Lord 2016.

Early in the festivities, way before the Trump clown army ramped into full gear, I was desperate to go big (BIG) against the Cheeto-colored buffoon, and his hands so tiny, they’d struggle to lift one decent moral fiber.

I could never find any players who wanted to swim in the deep end, but I did give up some big odds on a couple smaller bets that should just about cover my titanic bar tab that will float me through the dark night.

Trump never had a chance. Logic tells us a country that twice elected Obama will not suddenly turn racist and trust the most important political office in the world to a bigoted con-artist. Plain and simple, if you voted Trump, you are on the wrong side of history, aligned with the weakest, slug-like creatures that slime their way blindly through the excrement of our national soul.

And no, I’m not particularly overjoyed with Secretary Clinton either, but I live in a solid red state, so my vote doesn’t really matter much, thanks to the Electoral College process. Bare bones minimum, she’s qualified for the job of running my country, but I didn’t vote for her either.

But, I’m gonna be louder than hell when she wins; and I'm gonna hoist round after round to the cheers of “You’re Fired!” ©