Top Ten Reasons to Hate Slot Machines

Here are the top ten reasons to hate slot machines:

10. They tend to attract large swarms of zombified patrons who stumble through the area and buzz about on motorized scooters.

9. They produce a distracting cacophony of dinging bells and ringing sirens.

8. After extended exposure to the noise, players begin to find it soothing and even an attractive reason to sit down.

7. The faint smell of decay.

6. They advertise themselves with large rolling progressive jackpots which belie the enormous number of life savings they have stolen.

5. Frequent player cards offer rooms, meals, and gift shop trinkets in order to deceive a loser into feeling like a winner.

4. It is easy to think their cherries, bonus rounds, and smiling Elvis faces present no real threat.

3. They are so entirely hypnotic. Eventually, players only notice the world with vague grunts and moans.

2. The machines attach themselves to person's brain so completely that a player cannot even recognize friends and family. You soon lose touch with everything else in the world...even zombies gnawing on your skull.

1. After playing for awhile, a nice warm bowl of brains begins to sound good.